As a secretly ordained priest, Josef Suchár wandered into Neratov during the preparation of a camp play in 1987 and at first thought he was standing in front of the ruins of a castle. In prayer, he promised that if the regime changed and he could be an official priest, he would take care of the church. And in the end, he not only saved this important pilgrimage site, but also brought life back to a displaced village near the Polish border, where only four inhabitants lived permanently at the time. Since 1992, the Neratov Association has been operating here, where people with various forms of disabilities and abandoned handicapped children have found refuge. Clients have sheltered housing, the association runs a brewery, a pub, a shop, a school in nearby Bartosovice, and plans are in the works to build a house for the elderly or a new crossing. Everything that happens in Neratov is not done for people with disabilities, but with them. Those who do not believe in God here believe in man.  

Nearly sixty couples a year get married in the Church of the Assumption in Neratov. What would you say to the fiancés who are just getting ready for the wedding, and maybe even postponing it, hesitating?

I would like to encourage everyone to go for it. Yes, it's a commitment, a responsibility, but it's about whether I want to live truthfully and whether I want to know the adventure associated with the word love, where it's not just the receiving, the pleasure that one can experience, but there is something that makes us human. Because man is a degree higher than other creatures, it's not just the preservation of the species, the sex drive and all those forces. Yes, there's biology, there's chemistry, there's all that... and there's more. And when this starts to mature, then the two should enter into marriage, because therein lies the process of transformation of the one who looks, who accepts, into the one who has grown up. And in order to grow up, it is necessary for the diversity to fit together, so that even the relationship that leads to the fulfillment and connection of man and woman grows into the form of giving love. And then suddenly there is a new dimension, it is not a composite of one and one is two, it is not a chemical reaction. 

A wedding is a major life event and can take many forms. Which of the external attributes should not be neglected? 

The vows and the fact that the betrothed say them face to face is very important. When I stand face to face with the one I love and say my wedding vows, it's just binding. Then the giving of the rings, the blessing and the tying, I think those are things that are very important. And I believe that the ceremony should take place in a beautiful place, so that it's a space for the fiancés where they're comfortable and where they like to come back to. And at the same time, it should be a place that's kind of accessible, because when there's a time in life when things start to get a little bit mundane or difference, pain, misunderstanding enters into the relationship - so that they can come back to that place. So that they can have that kind of internal reboot of that moment, where they stood at the ceremony and where they looked into each other's eyes and longed so badly to be together. And they wanted to give everything they had, no matter what.  

Unlike a civil marriage, a church marriage is preceded by preparation - usually five meetings with the officiating priest. How do you approach it?

A church marriage is actually a contract of gift. The wedding vows say: I give myself to you and I accept you. It is important to me that the betrothed realize that they are committing themselves to something, that there is a responsibility attached to that vow. It is important to explain that vow because a wedding ceremony in a church can only be concluded if three basic conditions are met: that the decision of the betrothed is free, that it is voluntary and that it is out of love.  

How does the Christian tradition view love?

Love is giving, not receiving - that was the Greek god of love, Eros, and the Greek perception. In the Catholic tradition, the central figure is Jesus Christ and the God who gives himself absolutely. This means that love is seen as a gift, not a trade - I will love you if you love me. But if I give something, then I want nothing in return. Jesus also teaches us that the commitment "I give myself" - when I say I love - means that my life is here to make yours happy, and I want to give you everything I have. I will take from mine and give. And I will give you everything, even lay down my life for you. And not just when you give back, but when you forget, when you hurt me. 
"Lying is the most terrible and, in my opinion, the only sin. A lie, an untruth with malicious intent, breaks everything you have in common, divides people, makes them lonely, afraid."

How does marriage and relationship transform children? 

It is children who teach us to climb the steps of love. From the accepting, loving one, to the sacrificing one, to the forgiving one, to the one that is omnipresent on the plane of freedom, because love without freedom cannot exist. And it is the children who make it clear to us that life can be different from what we imagined. From an early age, they will disregard whether we have any rights to rest or to cultural enjoyment, but they will quietly roar in the night. And we'll go to them, not because we don't want social services to pick them up, but because we love them. And then, if they want to make us happy and they scribble on the walls or cut the curtains, we might even let it happen, because we suddenly see that it can be different.  

... and then puberty comes. Then they tell us we're the shitty parents because we don't like them, because we won't let them pierce their noses or come home from the disco after midnight. And the person stands there and almost desperately begs God to help, because they don't know what to do anymore, but they realize that without freedom they can't, and that they have to leave the protective boundaries they've built up so that the child doesn't get hurt. It's not easy to bear this responsibility.  

And then the child leaves. And he leaves with, for example, a completely strange element that we don't like at all, but we can't do anything twice about it, and he can live a different life, but it is important that he is accompanied by our prayers, our blessings, our wishes for good and our prayers that our child will somehow understand, mature. And when he matures, he will be able to say sorry or thank you. That is the way of love that needs two.  

Is this something you discuss with the fiancés in preparation?

It shouldn't be some kind of a pour-over, we talk about what faith actually is, God's order, the laws that are put into the Ten Commandments, the ethical issues involved, what's going to happen after I leave here... these are points that the two of them should talk about so they know each other's point of view, because this is going to come into my life. That's how I want to live, but does the other person want to live anyway? If we're gonna do this ex post, it's more complicated than that. And especially where it's a matter of a baptized person being bound by the rules of the faith and an unbaptized person not being bound by those rules.  

Can you estimate how much of that is the marriages of the two baptized?

About a quarter. The marriages of the baptized to the unbaptized are far more numerous, and I am very happy about them. It gives me great pleasure that they come here on their wedding anniversaries, bring their children to show me and want to be baptized. It's such a rediscovery of faith. And it's especially very nice that even the ones that I've given blessings to, because they were both unbaptized, sometimes they come to see what they can do to be baptized. Because the church here is not very fancy and it is marked by life, even the rough life, it gives people hope that even the things that go wrong can be fixed. How do we not lose God in today's life, with social media, heavy work demands, worrying about children and parents? 

You see, God is not somewhere nearby. He introduced Himself in the Bible to Moses not with a noun, but with a verb - to be. My name is "I am." And Jesus is introduced by the angel to Mary as "Immanuel - God with us". And he gives himself to us, shows himself, even offers himself to us in the very people we have around us. In children, in work, in beautiful nature. And He makes Himself known to us so that we can see and love just a little bit of Him. He is in the life we can live. And the wonderful thing about God is that he offers us to realize the relationship we have with him, precisely towards our neighbors. We can caress them, we can kiss them, we can give them human love, we can forgive them. When I take care of my children, when I go to work and try to reconcile all that in some way, when I fight for the truth and all sorts of things, and then I still have the strength to forgive some scoundrels, which is not easy at all - to me that is life with God.  

And what is life like with people with disabilities?

This is a great gift that we have received here in Neratov. They are the ones who make us human, because if you love them, they slow you down a bit - they are not as fast as others, but you discover a different world. That world can be beautiful. People with disabilities are bringers of joy, but in a different way, and that otherness is something like when you're driving down the highway. You're faster from point A to point B, but you don't know anything about the landscape around you. It's only when you stop and get off the highway and look into the village below that you suddenly see things you wouldn't normally see - and they're beautiful too, it just takes a little time and willingness and patience and knowing that I can, but I don't have to have everything right now.  

The role of the priest is changing, despite the considerable inertia and conservatism of the Church. What is the role of the cleric today?

I think the priest is there to help people discover God. They have to build that relationship themselves anyway, and I don't beat that into people. The relationship with God is not based on whether they learn to say by heart the Our Father, I believe in God, the Ten Commandments and that they know the catechism and that they go to church. A relationship with God is a relationship of loving beings, and knowing God is a journey that is sometimes very complex and tortuous. It is important to have someone there to listen, to direct you, or someone to at least pray for you. I don't feel worthy of forbidding anyone to do anything. Rather, I think hope is important, and I start from the premise that if God is the source of absolute love, then there must be absolute forgiveness in him, because there can't be any other way. 

Text: Hana Janišová | Photo: Eliška Fischerová, Khiria